By MeOhMy Founder and Editor Siobhan (@meohmymum)
"They were shagging again when their baby was two weeks old" is probably not something you want to hear when your 'you know what' is ripped and stitched and you can't even sit on the toilet, let alone fathom your partner's crown jewels actually GOING INSIDE there.
Because the reality of sex after having a babies, let alone multiple babies, is many times just not what people say it is, or what you think it's going to be.
To be completely honest, for me having sex after two babies was, for a long time, hard. Like, really hard. And it's something no one really talks about, not face to face anyway.
I'm not going to be too graphic here. That's not my style. But let me tell you a little about my two births and then the aftermath....
When I had Harry, our now 2 year old (28 months), it was traumatic. We had a few complications and it took 21 hours to get him out safely. Yes, I gave birth naturally. But it really affected my whole body, that's for sure!
I had a 3rd/4th degree tear, which is no laughing matter (even though they had said they were giving me an episiotomy?! Anyway, let's not go there, the staff I had looking after me were amazing in so many other ways).
It took a good 3-4 months for me to heal properly down there thanks to even more complications after birth, and even after that I had scars, tenderness and pain. A lot of pain.
"You hold your breath. You're so tense. Ouch. More ouch. Slower. Faster. Ok, just stop. You feel deflated. You might try again. Nope, not going to happen. Can't deal with it. And then it takes so much to work up to it, and you get so anxious, it's just not even worth going there. Massive fail. Sigh."
I was also super self conscious about my new 'mum bod' and didn't feel sexy AT ALL, despite everything my husband did.
I felt like I was letting my husband down, as I know he was hurt when I said no. He's the most understanding man ever. But there comes a point where someone can't help but take that kind of thing personally, you know?
You feel guilty. Really guilty. You feel like a failure.
We only really got back into it properly when we started trying for our second, Aoife, when Harry was around five months old (I think it was around then, as I've said before my memory is pretty fuzzy - baby brain x 2 over here people!). And still, sometimes it hurt.
Then, enter my second pregnancy, where I was vomiting EVERY DAY WITHOUT FAIL and running around after a super active toddler. We also moved interstate and my freelance work really ramped up. Yep, not conducive to sexy times whatsoever. Again, a big fat sorry hubby. It's not you, it's me...
I gave birth to our now 11 month old Aoife naturally as well, and it was a lot smoother this time around. Still though, I had another tear and stitches. Following her birth I recovered quicker physically, but emotionally was a different story.
Anyone who follows my blog will know all about my battles breastfeeding Aoife, Harry's ongoing sickness and ear issues and my post natal anxiety diagnosis. Life was fairly dark and very full on for a while there, and there was a time where I couldn't really see the light.
Now, we're well and truly in the sunshine. Life is amazing. We couldn't be happier. And that's reflected elsewhere - enough said, ahem ;)
Life is still mental, with me running businesses from home while looking after the kids and my husband working a lot, but when we get time together it's amazing. And slowly but surely the pain has gone away and I'm enjoying it (MUM, DO NOT READ THIS!).
We had a date night last night for our two year anniversary and it was great to feel like we had a bit of our old selves back, the old us before kids.
My husband seriously deserves a medal for being so patient and understanding - well, most of the time ;) I'm not saying that sex is necessary to "keep a man otherwise he'll leave you" (as one of the ancient midwives we had taking my mother's group told us - I mean, come on woman???!!!!). But I believe it is essential to a good relationship.
Passion, romance, and above all else LOVE are what got you into this crazy roller coaster that is parenthood in the first place.
Don't feel guilty about whatever stage you're at. It's not your fault. It might take a while to get back but you'll get there, I promise.